Timeouts Are a Great Start to Self-Care

For many family caregivers, the thought of taking a caregiving timeout for their personal needs, and self-care is a foreign concept.

When I speak with family caregivers about the importance of me-time and prioritization of self-care, they absolutely agree with me, yet it is amazing how few actually incorporate needed personal time into their caregiving routine.  There are many reasons given, including "Too many demands don't allow me the time", "I plan on taking time for myself but then something unexpectedly comes up and personal plans are upended", "When I think of me-time I feel very selfish, my loved one's health is my priority". The time never seems right for me to take time for myself", etc. As a family caregiver, how many of these reasons have you used for not addressing your personal needs? I know, in my 21 years as an active family caregiver, it is safe to say I have used them all and then some!

Sadly, family caregivers often feel like they’re expected to tackle Herculean tasks such as caring for a loved one, managing personal family responsibilities, and succeeding as an employee all with nothing more than a gracious nod and a smile. But where was the “me-time” in this to-do list? That essential block of quiet time to rest, recuperate and recharge your batteries?

Most family caregivers collide with their role as a caregiver… no preparation, no training and little understanding regarding what to expect. One day you’re living your own life, and the next you’re entirely responsible for the health and well-being of a loved one. For many of us, this fundamental lack of understanding as to what their role entails contributes to a dismal level of self-compassion and self-care within the family caregiver community.  This is especially concerning when considering, according the National Alliance for Caregiving, 40% of family caregivers describe their roles as highly stressful.  It is not difficult to imagine, how without a self-care mindset, trouble can be right around the corner!

Please know, I realize there is no way of softening the fact that family caregiving can be incredibly stressful and time consuming. However, how you deal with this issue will greatly influence your day-to-day quality-of-life. The good news folks, this mindset is very much in your control.

As family caregivers, you deserve the best quality-of-life possible. To help you begin the process of effective self-care, I am giving you a TIMEOUT. Yes, a TIMEOUT!

Let’s think of a TIMEOUT as a reset, a deep breath or an opportunity to reassess and restart with the intent to create a better personal outcome. After all, in sports, when things get out-of-hand, coach calls a TIMEOUT. If little children are acting in an unacceptable way, parents may give them a TIMEOUT. Hell, even my own family gives me TIMEOUTS (Unfortunately, I have to admit many times they are well deserved!).

So, what does this all mean to you… TIMEOUTS, self-compassion, self-care, reset, etc.? It means, starting today, YOU need to become your own life advocate. You need to make a commitment to yourself to effectively address family caregiver stress, and make self-care a priority in your family caregiving responsibilities.

Here are four simple words to consider every day, which will help you structure a TIMEOUT that works for you:

Reset. Take control over the process before reacting to circumstances take control of you.

Respite. Every day, carve out a small window of time for yourself and selflessly protect it.

Reassess. Take time to evaluate your personal needs, along with your caregiving responsibilities, and determine the best balance to meet ALL your priorities. And, don't shy away from discussing this with the loved one in your care and other family members.

Reengage. Get back in the game and don’t be a stranger to friends and activities that mean a lot to you.

We all know, family caregiving presents challenges and many of them can be out of your control. Therefore, it is essential to take charge of the parts of your life you can control. So, going forward, before you feel overwhelmed, let's start the self-care process by calling a healthy TIMEOUT...and embrace an important piece of the life your desire!

Help yourself. Help Others.