Hold the Phone, or Maybe Not!

Family caregivers, have one thing in common...time constraints. As a result, we are constantly looking for areas in our days where we might be able to save time to create more flexibility.

I don't know about you; but if there is one thing that can unexpectedly chew up large chunks of time in my day, it is through my unconscious behavior with my mobile phone.  And, I am not even talking about using my phone to speak with someone.

A while back, I read an interesting book,  How to Break Up With Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life, by Catherine Price. In the book, the following passage clearly described exactly what I had been experiencing...

"A lot of times we find our phones in our hands without knowing how they got there — and then look up 30 minutes later wondering where the time has gone."

Based on my conversations with family caregivers, I know I am not alone.  To that point, research shows in 2022 the average person spent 4.5 hours (non-talking hours) per day on their mobile smart phones, and looked at their phones 47 times during the day. 

You may ask yourself is 4.5hrs/day a lot? Well, if you consider a family caregiver sleeps approximately 6.0hrs/day and spends nearly 3.0hrs/day caring for their loved one, 4.5hrs/day of phone use is nearly 32% of remaining daily time. To me, that is a big chunk of time, especially if it is mostly unplanned.

Imagine what you could do with just a few of those unplanned, absorbed hours? The primary purpose for this blog is to help you find time to do those things that are very important to you personally.

The internet has plenty of recommendations to help you use your phone more efficiently including:

• Don’t use your phone as an alarm clock

• Resist checking your phone for emails and texts immediately upon waking

• Limit use of social media on phone. Primarily use your computer for this

• Set limits for usage

• Turn your phone off at a specific hour at night

• Don't have your phone in your bedroom

While these are excellent suggestions, I have found that if you want to change behavior long-term, it is best to develop solutions based on the personal benefits you'll experience through mindful decision making versus adhering to a list filled with self-deprivations. This seldom works, just think about dieting.

With this in mind, my recommendation is to make your needs and desires the drivers of the process to find more time flexibility.

Like many things during our day, it is important to recognize the bulk of our behavior results from our subconscious (automatic) thoughts. This is not a criticism, it is just the way we are wired.  However, the good news is we can make effective changes, but they need to be consciously chosen and worked on.  Only through this order and process will our subconscious behavior change!

These are thoughts and considerations that will help with this.

Identify what you’d like to do when you reclaim time. 

Write down the activities you would do if you had more time. Be as specific as possible.

If you need help with this, write down all the things you would do that would bring greater joy in your life through conscious change. What would engaging in these activities do for you, especially if you could count on them becoming a more permanent part of your life?

Identify how you are currently using your phone.

Being very objective, over the next few days, observe how you typically use your phone. What are your tasks and how much time do you spend on them.  Also, how much time can you attribute to pure subconscious reflex rather than conscious use for specific reasons. Try to allocate time for each direction.

Identify the ideal relationship you would like to have with your phone. 

Oh, come on Victor... a relationship with my phone? Really? Yup, really!

Ask yourself, when observing how you are currently using the phone, what things you do that make you feel good? And, which activities make you feel not so good? What behaviors, or habits would you like to change? Be brutally honest with this!

Finally, there are three great questions Catherine Price uses to help us put a pause in our reflexive "phone grabs".  Catherine calls them the 3W's.

What for?

What are you picking up your phone to do? For instance, kill time, check an email, browse on line.

Why now?

Why are you picking up your phone now instead of later? Do you want to take a photo? Or, is it that you need a distraction because you feel uncomfortable in your environment?

What else?

What else could you be doing right now besides checking your phone?

Notice the cravings. Take a deep breath before you jump in and use your phone and just observe your behavior. Oh, and remember not to judge.

There is a thought I love, and many times wish I would adhere to a lot more...measure twice, cut once.  To me, the 3W's deliver a similar benefit! 

So, use your conscious mind before you reach. I say this, especially for family caregivers, because without realizing it our phones can become a crutch, a companion, or a connection to the outside world when our inside world is feeling a little too close. Just remember, it is totally in your control to make the call...Now, close your eyes and just think of how you will enjoy those extra "joy" time hours every week!

Help yourself. Help others.