Your Loved One's Mealtimes Matter!
Last week's blog, Assisted Living with Purpose, reviewed important considerations when selecting an Assisted Living location for your loved one. I greatly appreciated the response I received. There was one email, from Jenna in Atlanta, that particularly caught my attention.
Jenna's question was right to the point. When my mother and I interviewed her current assisted living residence, mealtimes and food quality were important selling points. Two years later, the food quality appears to have changed for the worst, and my mother is upset about it. What can I do about this?
First, let me be as straight-forward as possible, assisted living accommodations are not inexpensive for residents and their families. In my opinion, residents experiencing average food quality and preparation on a consistent basis is a bunch of baloney.
I feel strongly about this topic because in my years of observing a range of assisted living residences, I have consistently found that anticipated, joyful mealtimes immediately contribute to residents feeling specially treated. So, if this isn't happening, especially when this was promised to you during the decision-making process, let's take a look at some of the considerations and steps that can help you address the matter, as best you can.
Starting at the beginning, without ignoring your loved one's concerns, when you first hear "the food quality and meals are changing" listen, and ask questions to understand what this means and how long this has been going on. You definitely want your loved one to feel heard. However, at this point, keep this information on your radar, but do not over react. You want to better understand if this is an ongoing issue before formally inserting yourself. That said, if I have learned anything over the years, do not dismiss your loved one's observations...they "live" there.
As mentioned in Assisted Living with Purpose, if during your orientation you had an opportunity to join the residents during mealtime, it can be assumed the food quality and preparation was acceptable because a decision was made for this residence to become your loved one's home. If you didn't have an opportunity to partake in a meal, you may just need to go forward based on your loved one's feedback.
Over the next 2-4 weeks, especially if your loved one continues to mention their displeasure during mealtimes, join your loved one for a couple of meals and experience the food and mealtime effort for yourself. If your experience is similar to your loved one's comments, it is time to explore reasons for this possible change.
To help understand if this problem is experienced by others, it is recommended you ask to attend a residents/staff meeting. In many assisted living residences these meetings are conducted monthly. The intent is to exchange information, and for management to act if necessary. Typically, family members do not attend these meetings, but there should not be a problem if you request to attend. This is a good place to initially and tactfully address the food quality issue.
During this time, probe if things have changed at the facility that could contribute to a change in food quality and preparation. If there is a reason, ask for detailed description of the matter and the steps being taken to address it. Make sure they provide project timing to remedy the matter, which is very important. And, follow the progress carefully, basically ensure that the remedy doesn't drag on and on.
If there are no extending circumstances that have contributed to this issue, this is the time to ask for a one-on-one meeting with the facility's Director of Operations (The Big Cheese). The point of a conversation is to discuss your observations and concerns, and to receive actionable feedback. Listen to the Director's responses, learn about the cooking staff, the menu building process, and their standards for food quality and delivery to residents. Site specific issues you have personally observed compared to expectations. Leave the meeting only after you have received assurance from the Director that she will look into your concerns, and set a time for a follow-up discussion when she will provide tangible feedback to your specific concerns. It is critical to follow-up, and hold management to any commitments they make.
At this point, you have done a lot to understand the problem, demonstrate your commitment to your loved one about their well-being, and brought management's attention to an important issue and professionally worked through the steps with management in an effort to successfully resolve the situation.
Even with all this, there are times the needle may not move a whole helluva lot. Please know, this usually isn't because management was just placating you, and have no interest in making change. It could be result of corporate guidelines that provide little latitude for change at the individual residence level.
However, what I have found is when you build a respectful relationship with management, more will get done to make change than not. You always have to remember assisted living is a business; however, also remember you and management share one thing...the desire for your loved one to receive very good care.
As you can tell, I believe mealtimes are very important to delivering an uplifting atmosphere in your loved one's home. Over the years, when speaking with family caregivers about this issue, at times I have heard, "As long as my mom, dad, spouse, etc. are safe, delicious food is just "icing on the cake". And, my response has been damn consistent, "your vision of good care may need to be broadened...delicious food isn't just the icing on the cake. It is the cake!"
Our senior loved one's have paid their dues in many ways. During this time in their lives, they should be treated with care, respect and dignity. As family caregivers, we tirelessly work to be effective health advocates for our loved ones. In my opinion, if this advocacy covers the examining room to the dining room, you will find inviting mealtimes are really good medicine for your loved one!
Help yourself. Help others.
