Disrupting Limiting Beliefs
When I was 16, I made a decision for a life reboot. I chose to go to military school!
I was living a pretty normal life for a suburban kid being raised in the ’60s. I was raised in a middle class neighborhood in northern New Jersey, going to public high school, had good friends, played school sports and the clarinet in the school band, etc. However, there was a major wrinkle, I was really struggling in my school work. I studied but kept getting average grades at best and this was driving my parents (who were wonderful people) absolutely crazy. After all, their first-born child had a path to follow and that included going to college, which was a key to a successful vocation.
All I know was I was feeling like a major disappointment to my parents, family, and teachers and actually started believing I “just didn’t have it.” The stress was driving me batty and I was feeling anxious whenever the topic of school came up. I also felt like all the good things I did were meaningless. Academics were it, and without very good grades I was going nowhere in life.
At this time, a school friend of mine who was a very good musician brought up a topic that he initially raised a year earlier. Was I interested in auditioning for a full scholarship to Valley Forge Military Academy? Valley Forge had what was considered to be one of the finest youth bands in the country. I gave him the same answer I did a year earlier…Military school? Not a chance!
However, weeks after this discussion and regardless of how I felt about “military school” I began thinking maybe I needed a drastic change in my life. I really was feeling down in the dumps and felt a need to start over and get off my academic sinking ship.
I told my friend if his contact could arrange an audition, I would go for it. An audition was arranged and while I had less than 100% certainty about military school, I thought this was a chance for me to take a different path.
My parents were supportive of this decision, very curious about my interest in a military school but alarmed that a 16-year-old believed he needed to start a chunk of his life over. That said, I don’t believe they thought I would go to military school, even if I passed the audition. After all, how many kids choose to go to the type of school parents usually threaten to send you to if you don’t behave?
I practiced a ton on my audition piece and on a very snowy Sunday in December 1968, we drove 100 miles to Wayne, PA and arrived on time for my 11:00 audition. An hour later, after playing better than I had ever played in my life, Colonel D. Keith Feltham, Valley Forge’s renowned bandmaster, offered me a full scholarship to attend the school the following August.
I remember the moment like it was yesterday. The school campus was just beautiful, especially in the snow, majestic buildings, sprawling campus, cadets confidently walking around; this was a world I had no understanding of, yet I felt it was a special place. This excitement was short lived because Colonel Feltham told us that before my scholarship was finalized, I had to take an academic test. My heart sank…my nemesis, academics, might take this opportunity away from me.
News flash…I passed, albeit by the slimmest of margins. And, the school recommended I do supervised, extra work when school began. Fine with me…I HAD A CHANCE TO START OVER!
In August 1969, I entered Valley Forge Military Academy as one of 13 plebes in the all- scholarship Band Company. And, after the requisite haircut, my reboot began!
Band Company was special, 56 guys all from similar socioeconomic backgrounds. The Band had a national recognized reputation for music excellence, the school’s strongest military performance, and it held the school's academic trophy for 22 straight years. Every cadet, and especially plebes, were expected to carry on these traditions.
As plebes, we were under the gun 24/7 for 8 months, with constant harassment from the “old men” whose mission was to discipline and teach plebes the ropes and company values. However, when it came to study time the harassing stopped and it was more about getting the academic job done.
As promised, Valley Forge’s after school academic support was there for me. Teachers made themselves available and I took full advantage of this. However, I found my greatest resource to be my fellow Band cadets. There seemed to always be someone around to help if you needed it. This esprit de corps did wonders for my confidence and performance. And, for the first time in years, I saw my school work effort translate to grades.
The 1969/70 academic year became the academic turning point in my life. To my great surprise, in my first grading period I made the Dean’s List. I could finally see the fruits of my effort paying off. I was part of something much bigger than me and I took pride in being part of group and individual achievements. My academic and cadet performance steadily grew at Valley Forge. I graduated with school honors at all levels, which prepared me for what was to come in the next phase of my personal journey.
At 16, I took the fork in the road that led me to Valley Forge Military Academy and it was the best, albeit a tad drastic, decision I could have ever made in my young life.
Looking back, a big lesson this journey taught me was limiting beliefs are just that…limiting. And, although once there they can always raise their ugly head. I also learned if I addressed them head on I could develop a more important belief…one that says... I am the author of my own story!
Help yourself. Help others.
