Acceptance Liberates!
As a family caregiver, when caring for a loved one, it is easy to get caught between the past and future. What I mean by this is reminiscing how things were before a loved one’s health challenges, and projecting how things may be going forward. Honestly, when this is the case, it is a terribly difficult way to live because we seldom live in the present!
Most importantly, with this mode of thinking, reality can escape us with anxiety and fear unfortunately sitting on our shoulders. As Dr. Bob Rotella, world renown sports psychologist, says the past and future are when these emotions reside.
The antidote to begin addressing the feelings of anxiety and fear is to embrace “acceptance”. Interestingly, when speaking with family caregivers about acceptance, I hear over and over again, “I do accept what is going on in my life." However, when delving deeper, to me the thinking appears to be more “acknowledgment” than “acceptance”, and these two actions are not one and the same. Let’s take a look why…
Acknowledgement is simple recognition, or awareness of something taking place. On the other hand, acceptance takes acknowledgment further. Not only is acceptance aware of something existing; but acceptance means to approve, or come into agreement with what we have acknowledged. Make sense? As you can see, there is a big difference between the two.
In the above definitions, I believe what contributes to our difficulty in accepting our circumstances is the need to approve the reality of what is truly going on. This in no way means we like it, but our rational side needs to put an unconditional acceptance check mark next to the situation. This check mark can be liberating and central to helping us move forward.
As family caregivers, we experience what the cascading effect of being the primary caregiver for a loved one can have on our lives. Things like how our work life can be interrupted, the influence on our family responsibilities, time with friends and importantly, our personal "joy" time.
With this in mind, when we talk about the importance of family caregivers accepting the health conditions of their oved one, in reality it is more than that. It is accepting the conditions of what is going on in our overall life, and the influence caregiving has on it.
By accepting this, it gives us the opportunity to make positive adjustments in our life and begin leading a life that is more productive, personally fulfilling.
You may be thinking, can this happen just by acceptance? Yup! And, let me provide three examples of the influence of acceptance:
1. Acceptance allows you to have more honest and helpful communications with our loved one, family members and ourselves releasing us from solely carrying the burden.
2. Acceptance of the range of influence caregiving is having in our life gives us a chance to do an inventory of the what and where caregiving responsibilities are usurping our personal joy.
3. Acceptance allows us to be more clear-eyed to fully understand where we need support, and helps us pinpoint where to ask for outside support from family and friends or paid resources. As Dr. Robert Holden, a psychologist with expertise in achieving happiness, states when running on empty it means there is a better way.
Family caregivers do herculean work. However, sustaining this effort in a healthy way only works if we allow ourselves to be cared for too.
So, to begin our healthier path forward, today start challenging yourself by objectively and honestly evaluating your caregiving circumstances.
Accept what is in your control and what's not
Accept what will and will not change in your loved one's situation
Accept you can't do everything alone, and need support
Accept there is a better way, and it's in your control and power to create it
This began with the promise that acceptance liberates. I strongly believe, this will help you take that deep breath you've longed for by guiding you to a more balanced life, and give you the opportunity to identify and follow the inner joy you desire!
Help yourself. Help others.
