Saluting Our Country's 53 Million Family Caregivers

November is National Family Caregiver's Month, and it is especially meaningful to say thank you and convey our gratitude in the week of Thanksgiving.

Having had the privilege of working with our family caregiver community for over 20 years, I realize many times thank yous can be mistakenly overlooked.  However, in my opinion, what makes family caregivers very special is I have seldom heard complaints about this!

As you know, family caregivers juggle many responsibilities; and at times, stress can become all consuming. In fact, research shows 72% of family caregivers report emotional stress, 60% report they are overwhelmed, and 55% report they are financially strained.

I can hear you saying, Victor, thanks for reminding me about this. Well gang, how about we think of this as an acknowledgment of your selfless support, and a wake-up call to make sure your personal needs become a priority.

As part of my salute to you, I wish for you to become a bit more selfish.  Yes, selfish! Have an honest conversation with the loved one you care for, family members and friends.  Tell them how you feel, and together work to find a path to better life balance that supports you while delivering care. And, feel good about this, without an ounce of guilt in the process.

I have been an active family caregiver for 21 years; and unfortunately, during my early years as a caregiver, I did not do what I am recommending for you. I was solely focused on delivering the best care I could--being a strong and responsible health advocate for my loved one, and not being honest with myself about the physical and emotional toll caregiving was beginning to take on me. You see, to me doing my best left no room for a miscue, even though there was so much out of my control.  My hyper vigilance became my daily routine and my personal "me" times were becoming more and more distant. This was ALL self-imposed! 

I do not want this happening to you.  If I knew then what I came to learn over many years, I would have still worked hard to deliver quality care but would have understood that the most effective family caregiving comes when you are experiencing more life balance along with personal joy.

Last week, I recorded a Bounce Back podcast with Dr. Bob Rotella, a world renown sports psychologist, in an effort to help family caregivers live a more meaningful and less stressful life. Doc said something that stuck with me, and is wonderful advice for all family caregivers... as a family caregiver do your best and accept that, and stay away from adopting a perfectionist mindset. For your health and well-being, I cannot tell you how important it is for you to embrace this core belief. 

To my 53 million fellow family caregivers, this is your month to take a bow for the special care you provide a loved one. Going forward, my personal wish for you is to show a deep respect for yourself, engage in a life focused on physical and emotional self-care, and make a promise that every day you will find time to do something that brings personal joy...YOU SO DESERVE IT!

Help yourself.  Help others.