Living In a Constant State of Alert Is...Craziness!
Nearly 40 years ago, I was living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin working for Miller Brewing Company. During a conversation with a colleague, who was living in New York City, he explained an incident that happened to him outside his apartment. And, although it was not life threatening, it was definitely a personal affront. Frustrated, he described living in New York City was like “living in a constant state of alert”- always waiting for the next ball to drop. We laughed because while the incident was odd as hell it was actually more funny than dangerous.
During my 20 years as an active family caregiver, there have been many periods I have absolutely felt like I am “living in a constant state of alert”! Constantly vigilant, always looking for hints alerting me to pay more attention to my loved one’s health, observing every detail and projecting the “what-if “possibilities for many of the observations. The good news is with this mindset and behavior you are ready to address most health issues when and if they happen. The bad news is there is a lot of angst- ridden time spent in the world of IF. This thinking, if not checked, can easily replace your personal time with “their” time even when no “their” is there (repeat this sentence 3 times fast)! It is called being totally consumed and placing your needs on a very distant back burner. Does this sound even vaguely familiar?
Living in a constant state of alert usually doesn’t start out that way. Over time, it can just sneak up on you. And, left unchecked this can become your default mindset, surrendering a big chunk of life to the unknown all in the name of caring for a loved one.
I always wonder what throws us into this state? Is it fear for our loved one's safety? Is it a way for us mitigating our fears or perhaps a combination of both? Is it a way of believing we're asserting control in our life when control can sometime be scarce? Regardless of what it is one thing is certain, life balance is no longer an integral part of our life! You are becoming less and less capable of effectively caring for yourself and your loved one at the same time.
Now, here comes the crazy part…
We sometimes do this over and over and over again, knowing that most of the time what we are worried and hypervigilant about DOESN'T EVER HAPPEN! One of my favorite quotes is from Mark Twain, “I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” Well, at least we know our obsessing is in good company.
So, if you are feeling like this don't get down on yourself. Just becoming aware of when you "feel" yourself getting into this mindset is a great step in the right direction.
Thoughts to help shed Living In the Constant State of Alert (CSA)Thinking:
The following are meant to interrupt and shift your CSA thought patterns, especially ones that can become habitual and counterproductive. You just want to create a pause and reflection before moving forward!
Be In the Present: When in the CSA, we have a tendency to escalate our emotions forward. The present can be difficult enough; however, when we pile on the forward unknown, we begin looking for things that may not exist. This raises concern, fear and expends a lot of emotional energy that can be spent on more productive tasks...Be present!
Avoid “Rabbit Hole” Thinking: This can also be a form of catastrophizing. You know, thinking and believing the worst before it ever happens. Most of us have done this on occasion; but when it becomes a way of life CSA is right around the corner. Projecting without evidence can create significant angst and emotional turmoil... Put Covers on Rabbit Holes!
Make Stress Your Friend: Stress is a bad thing, right? Not so fast. Research studies at the University of California, Berkeley have shown manageable amounts of stress can be your ally in that it can boost alertness, performance, even memory.
Conversely, sustained stress, which can be initiated by CSA, can quickly diminish stress benefits and result in harmful physical issues including cardiovascular disease and suppression of immune system...Let good stress be your CSA alert and bad stress your caution sign!
Personal Boundaries: If you are living in CSA, you have not effectively established personal boundaries in your role as a family caregiver. In her Best-Selling book Boundary Boss Terri Cole addresses the importance of not abandoning yourself for the sake of others... When CSA enters your thinking ask if self-care is a priority in your life?
The next time you're bogged down becoming overwhelmed by the projected what-ifs and questionable truths, change your mindset from Living in a Constant State of Alert to Living Alert and YOUR Life Every Day!
Help yourself. Help others.
