Get Out of Your Own Head!
This is a problem we all have. I certainly know from time to time I do!
To this point, I would like to relate a personal story that demonstrates both what I mean by "Get Out of Your Own Head" and the type of downside that can result when you don't.
When I was in my mid 20's, I worked for a wonderful corporation. I was the youngest person in the marketing department, and had the opportunity to learn first-hand from very senior executives. The most senior executive (I will call him Joe) was a person I admired and liked; and for whatever reason, we developed a very good working relationship. This was terrific, because it was pretty improbable given the differences in our seniority and age. I truly enjoyed this; and even better, after leaving the company to start my own business, over the next 25 years we became friends.
Unfortunately, about 5 years ago, our conversations became less and less frequent. This bothered me a lot, because I just didn't understand why this happened. I played back different conversations and situations, and wondered if I had said, or done something to offend him. Yet, regardless of how much I thought things through, I just couldn't come up with anything to provoke this.
Never shy about addressing a believed unresolved issue, during this "in my head" time, I recall asking Joe if something was bothering him and specifically, did I inadvertently do something that put him off? He said absolutely not! Yet, even with this confirmation, I wasn't convinced, something just didn't feel right.
About six months after the previous call, we connected and I found out that Joe's wife had passed. I learned that for the past two years she was suffering from Alzheimer's Disease, which was very difficult. I felt terrible and even though Joe was a very private person, I was surprised that he never mentioned this to me. We left the call with Joe inviting me to visit to play golf.
A while after my call, I tried to reach out to Joe, but there was no answer so I left a voice mail message. Not hearing back after a few weeks, I tried to call again; however, this time his telephone wasn't operating. For some reason, something told me to search the local newspaper obituary section and that is when I learned Joe passed away, in fact his passing was on my birthday. Talk about having the wind knocked out of your sails!
I later learned from one of his sons that 8 years prior Joe was diagnosed with cancer, which had gone into remission and later returned to take his life.
There are a few things I learned from this experience that may help you...
The thoughts we have are just thoughts, not reality. Take an objective step back and try to evaluate the situation 360 degrees.
Left unchallenged, thoughts can evolve into personal stories that are unfortunately primarily based from our perspective. And, it's not always about you!
If something means a lot to you, don't let time slip by, therefore distancing yourself from the situation. With distance can come distortion of the facts, and in this case, misconceptions about a relationship.
Our connections with people are a critical part of our life experience on this earth. Value them, embrace them and accept them, even if they don't always live up to expectations. That is all part of life and our growth.
I think about Joe. I especially think about the time that went by when he was in the throes of very challenging times. Yes, he chose to not share those times; and although I can ask myself why, I have to respect his wishes and get out of my own head! On June 19th, I will remember all the great times we had over 25 years and the important lessons I learned! Whenever the opportunity arises, embrace your life connections!
Help yourself. Help others.
