Selfish isn’t Selfish
Do you think you are a selfish person? If so, how does it feel? Can you be a good friend and be selfish? Where did you learn the meaning for selfishness?
Well, if you are like most of us, your answers to these questions were guided by what you learned as a child. You know, things like Victor, don’t always think of yourself first!
Come on, remember phrases like:
“It’s not all about you”
“If your selfish, you will end up alone”
“The world doesn’t revolve around you”
“Selfishness pushes people away”
“It’s ugly to be selfish”
Where Did Thoughts About Selfishness Come From?
The word selfish first appeared in English in 1640. It was originally used within a religious and moral context to connote personal gain over communal gain or spiritual values…I am sure you can see where this is heading. Yes, selfish sat with this less than desired meaning while at the same time selflessness was viewed as a virtue through moral, philosophical and religious interpretations. Let’s face it gang, poor selfishness never had a fighting chance to gain favor!
Maybe this rigid, unbending definition of selfish was a good way to stop 7-year-old Billy from never sharing his toys. However, left untouched it has gotten in the way of helping us achieve a better life through a prioritization of our needs, especially if you’re a family caregiver. Learn how this can look through my Bounce Back podcast conversation with family caregiver, Gail Sheffler. So, what do you say, together let’s call BS on selfish being defined with an emphasis on negative traits!
Positive Outcomes of Being Selfish
Self-Care-ensuring your emotional and physical health is your top priority, allowing you to be at your best to provide your best to others
Personal Growth-prioritizing goals can lead to greater personal achievement
Authentic Relationships-being true to your own needs attract others based on mutual respect versus self-sacrifice
Stronger Boundaries-focusing on your needs helps set limits with others preventing resentment and seeking more pleasurable experiences
Greater Resilience-focusing on your own needs makes you more independent and better equipped to handle life challenges
Naturally, if you have a mindset that being selfish is a zero sum game in that it is either good or bad, this will deprive you of the physical and emotional benefits you can experience from a good dose of selfishness. And, the secret sauce to help the process is “balance”, focusing on yourself without shunning others.
Like stress and guilt, where each have healthy and unhealthy versions, selfishness is the same. The benefits of healthy selfishness are significant.
Starting today, evolve your thoughts about selfishness and think of it as your self-interest in areas that are most meaningful to you. Cast away your limiting beliefs surrounding selfishness and begin adopting its positive aspects. When you do…you will take better care of yourself, be a better family member and friend and be a better family caregiver. I am certain of that!!
Help yourself. Help others.
